If the NBA Finals have taught me on thing, it is that the NBA is hiding something. No, it is not that Celtics actually have a chance. Nor is it that the Spurs requested to start a sixth player, who just so happens to be named Ginobili.
This big secret I'm eluding to that rivals Watergate? The one thing that David Stern doesn't want you to know?
All of the players in the NBA have degrees in theatre.
You read that correctly. I'm convinced that in the off-season, these NBA superstars went back to school and studied Shakespeare and Oscar Wilde, just so they could practice and mold their flopping technique. That is the only explanation for all of the flopping that has happened during this season.
Maybe the guys at Second City in Chicago swapped some flopping lessons for courtside seats and a few autographs. Why do you think Jack Nicholson and Zac Efron sit courtside at Lakers games? They've been helping them for years! And those Knickerbockers? Well, if you want to be in a Spike Lee film, you better help the newest big guy learn how to fall. Otherwise, you might not receive your starring role.
All of this flopping is getting ridiculous. If you touched these guys with a feather, they would fall over and cry wolf. Quit being dramatic. Leave that to the guys with the frosted tips accompanied by the women with too high heels that are sitting courtside.
According to Kevin Garnett, you are true professionals. Quit acting like you aren't.